And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize