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FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
