As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
