im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Randomize
