So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
