yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
