Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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