Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
