u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
