Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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