I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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