Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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