If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize