It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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