So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
