..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't notice because vodka
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
