Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
