One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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