Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
