Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
