we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sorry my hands just texted you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize