well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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