it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
