oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
