mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
