i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i think i just lost a toe
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
