I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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