omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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