I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
