Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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