and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
