Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
