Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
