i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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