my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
