So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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