the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
