It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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