I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
