I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
