think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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