I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize