i permit you to call me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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