he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
