my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
