all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
