I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have already put on my inside pants.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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