I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
