Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
