in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize