From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize