U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
