Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You've changed since you got that strap on
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
