I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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