got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
