took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
