my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
