I think im going to throw up on grandma
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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