u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
