just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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