Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
