I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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