Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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